The Dippy Cat

The Dippy Cat

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Vampire Zombie Shark A-go-go

I grew up on a steady diet of horror movies. This can occasionally prove interesting. Tonight was one of those occasions.
I go outside to do my normal feeding of the masses.
Miss Possum has some cat food.
I toss some bits for the turkeys to find in the morning.
I check the deer's salt.
Mr. Vole comes to examine the cat food.
Marshmallow eats Mr. Vole.
Nice normal evening.
I sit down on the step with my coffee, contemplating life, whether or not Mr. Vole had funeral plans, and how to train Marshy not to eat the other guests.
I glance back to the dark tree line.
Someone glances back.
A pair of glowing eyes blink.
I squint.
I can see a silhouette standing beside the tree.
It it the size of Chucky, or possibly the dead kid from Pet Semetary.
It blinks again. And takes a step towards me.
There was a long moment where half my brain was saying calm and rational things like "Gee I wonder what that is?" and the other half had begun the Exorcist's Prayer and was frantically trying to remember if bludgeoning werewolves over the head with a coffee cup had ever worked in a movie.
It took another step.
Realizing that this was one of those movie moments, where everyone else screams "RUN!" as some twit wades into the lake where the vampire zombie shark is waiting, I decided that this was the exact moment I wished to stand up and
move
very
quickly
back
into
the
house.
With dignity of course (and certainly not while spilling my coffee and tripping over my own feet.)
Before I had time to finish making a garlic necklace and remembering if demon children could open sliding doors the evil shape hit the edge of the lighted patio...
...and the blasted stupid huge male raccoon who never comes near the house decided that he was tired of walking on his back legs and it was time to drop back down onto all fours and walk the rest of the way to the catfood.
Memo to self: A huge male raccoon standing upright in the dark has the potential to cause heart attacks in unwary ministers.

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